Stealth Ninja Labradors: A Day in The Life

2 Nov

**Today, I welcome my first guest poster – Nikki, the dog. She will be describing a typical day in the life of a suburban labrador. 

———————————-

Listen, everyone thinks we’re just three goofy dogs. Which I’m okay with  – because it just proves that our cover is totally working. In fact, we are an elite ninja team here to protect our humans.

Yes we are.

Let’s face it – you humans aren’t too swift. If it weren’t for us a) you’d be living in unsanitary conditions from all the food you just throw all over the floor (and sometimes leave on counters) and b) that guy who stops by everyday with that paper stuff would have definitely gotten in by now. Somebody should tell him that if he’s trying to be subtle, that conspicuous white truck isn’t doing him any favors. And let’s not even mention the very real threat of a squirrel coup d’etat.

So here’s our typical day:

6:00am – Wake you up by excessive licking. Bella takes the face, I go for the hands. And Charlie, he licks his own…nevermind. This would go much more smoothly if you’d stop squirming.

6:15am – Eat. (By the way, the food sucks.)

6:16am – Go out.

6:18am – Come back in.

6:20am – Wake up the small humans. (See “licking” above.)

6:22am – Go out.

6:24am – Come back in.

6:30 – 9:00am – Morning training exercises. These typically include food snatching resource identification, ball chasing projectile locating and retrieval and practicing our sad faces psychological warfare drills.

9:00 – Noon – Sentry duty.

Sleepy Puppy.

12:45pm – INTRUDER!

Intruder secured.

12:48pm – Intruder neutralized.

Intruder Neutralized.

12:49pm – Go out.

12:52pm – Come back in.

12:56pm – Go out.

12:59pm – Come back in.

2:00pm – Recycling.

Charlie recycles.

3:22pm – Go out.

3:23pm – SQUIRREL!!

SQUIRREL!

3:24pm – Squirrel escapes. Come back in.

4:00pm – 6:00pm – Sentry duty.

6:15pm – Dinner. Have I mentioned that the food sucks?

6:17pm – Go out.

6:19pm – Come back in.

8:00pm – 6:30am – Sentry duty.

Night watchdog

As you can see, the life of a ninja is not all ear scratching and belly rubs. Maybe now we’ve earned a little more of your respect. The truth is, we keep you safe from the dangers outside these walls – but maybe you can’t handle the truth

This post was prompted by Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop – the prompt was:  A day in the life of your pet…how bad do they have it?

Mama’s Losin’ It

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8 Responses to “Stealth Ninja Labradors: A Day in The Life”

  1. Diane@BeStillaMinute November 3, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    Ha ha! Sounds much like the life of my two Dachsunds! Dogs have it so rough, don’t they?

    • Beth - Realist Mom November 3, 2011 at 10:23 am #

      They do! I always say that when I die, I’d like to come back as my dog! : )

  2. Jennifer Phillips (@thepsychobabble) November 3, 2011 at 9:59 am #

    bwahaha…clearly, life is rough!

    • Beth - Realist Mom November 3, 2011 at 10:24 am #

      I think they think it is! Thanks for “stopping by”!!

  3. nicki November 5, 2011 at 2:33 am #

    I love it! Your dog is adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Beth - Realist Mom November 5, 2011 at 4:56 pm #

      Thank you! Some day their cuteness is all that saves them!

  4. Michelle November 6, 2011 at 8:24 am #

    OMG! Beth, that was too funny!! Your dogs are so cute!! I especially love the picture of them all snuggled on your bed. 😉

    • Beth - Realist Mom November 6, 2011 at 8:30 am #

      Thank you! They make me laugh all day – I really wonder what they would say if they could talk!

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