Isn’t There a “P” in Privacy?

7 Nov

Would you like to know when I am at my most fascinating and interesting? When I’m on the toilet. That must be true, because I’m fairly certain that every time my butt so much as grazes that seat, there is a knock – or a paw – at the door. It’s never for anything earth-shattering, no. For the record, if the house is on fire or you’re bleeding or Colin Firth is at the front door – you have my permission to knock. Any of you. Mostly, it’s “what are you doing?’ (DUH!) or “have you seen my favorite socks – no, not those the other ones?” or – my all time favorite – “I just wanted to know where you were.”

The dogs will actually come in. Nikki can open the door with her paw (damn those harp handles) and plop herself at my feet. It’s nice to be loved and all – but geez, can’t a mom pee in peace?! Have you ever tried to fit 225 pounds of dog in a 4′ square bathroom? Let’s just say it takes the “rest” right out of the restroom.

In the interest of full disclosure (I’m talking about the potty now, so we’re pretty much there, right?), I will admit that I do take my phone into the bathroom with me so I can squeeze in a few satisfying moments of Words with Friends or Yahtzee – so occasionally I’m just sitting there. Is that so wrong? Don’t tell me I’m the only who knows how hot that laptop can get when it’s sitting on your real-life lap.

Even if I am engaged in bathroom…activities, shall we say, that create a less than desirable aroma in the restroom – my kids will still let themselves in, if only to comment on the atmosphere and make helpful suggestions on what I may or may not have eaten. WHY??

I thought I was in the clear when my children were past the age when you had to have them in the bathroom with you for fear they would kill or seriously injure themselves unsupervised for 3 minutes. Evidently not. Maybe the tables have turned. Maybe they think I can’t be left unsupervised for more than a few minutes at a time.

Can I be electrocuted if I drop my phone in the toilet?

Am I the only one this happens to?


10 Responses to “Isn’t There a “P” in Privacy?”

  1. Leah November 7, 2011 at 1:32 am #

    You’re not alone. I was invaded by Sophie and four animals recently. You would think it’s the one place we can get some privacy. But no.

    • Beth - Realist Mom November 7, 2011 at 7:07 am #

      It’s incredible that it extends to the animal kingdom as well, isn’t it?? It’s the same thing when I’m in the shower!

  2. Heather November 7, 2011 at 8:29 am #

    Same goes here! I have kids popping in on me in the bathroom, from yanking aside shower curtains and letting in the freezing air with a cheerful, “Hi Mom!!!!” to interrupting potty time, to getting dressed. I try to make them at least close the lid and have a seat so that I don’t poke my own eye out when applying make-up, but as the numbers in the bathroom grow, there are just not enough seats. The most memorable moment for me in the bathroom so far, in a house full of boys, one of the triplets walked in on me getting dressed fresh out of the shower and, shocked, pointed to my breasts and blurted out, “What are THOSE body parts?!!!” (My response? “Those are cushions for you to lay your head on when you feel sad or get hurt, so you can be comfortable while I hold you.”) And, for the record, I like to multi-task in there too. I read Self, Glamour, and Redbook two to three pages at a time. 🙂

    • Beth - Realist Mom November 7, 2011 at 8:56 am #

      Something tells me that with 3 boys, your stories are only going to get better! The girls are happy to point out my jiggly butt while I’m showering – the little dears. 🙂

  3. Sue Kraft November 7, 2011 at 11:24 am #

    The answer to your last question is no, b/c I have been there, done that and I am still here to talk about it – on a NEW phone, of course! And also, no, it doesn’t get any better… My almost 18 year old recently walked in on me, on the toilet pre-shower, buck naked, trying to get at an ingrown pubic hair – girl screams ensued – from him. AND he still came back and asked me for the money he was originally intending to come and get – even though i have never, ever brought my purse upstairs into my master bathroom on any occasion! So we both could have gone on with our lives unscarred had he just looked for my purse instead of my naked self sittin on the can!!! And finally, my 9 year old’s favorite song to sing to me is “mom’s wiggly, jiggly butt!” Point being, you are in good company, at least?!

    • Beth - Realist Mom November 7, 2011 at 11:48 am #

      LOL!! I think your comment estblishes exactly why YOU should be writing a book!

  4. Michelle November 7, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

    OMG!! I love reading your blog!! I can visualize the whole thing and can relate also. I think both you and Sue should be writing some sort of book. Hysterical!! 🙂

    • Beth - Realist Mom November 7, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

      Thanks Michelle! Did you just say you can visualize me on a toilet? Should I be concerned? 😉

  5. Mary Lynn November 7, 2011 at 7:46 pm #

    I love your blogs!!! I LoL’ed all through your blog and everyone’s comments!!! I am also never alone while in the bathroom. There always seems to be a fury four-legged little friend who seems to scurry his way in just before I close the door and then plops himself right down on my feet! And when my son was a little younger he used to walk out of the kitchen (where my husband was) and walk into the bathroom (where I was) to ask ME for something to drink!!! 🙂

    • Beth - Realist Mom November 7, 2011 at 10:26 pm #

      Thank you MaryLynn! I laughed at your comment about bypassing your hubby to get to you – happens all the time here. Unless I say “no” – of course.

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